I felt a need for music which would express faith, and was weary of demons. I could not say what music did symbolize faith but during the playing of "House of the Lord" it seemed to me that patriotism, love of family, the Cross, and music all coalesced into one vast outpouring of love stemming from my very soul. I remembered the stations of the Cross and my catechism, but they did not seem to hold enough comfort for the sorrows of man since these are but dogma and man made, and not imbued with God's power.
Then the aching soul tearing sorrow of lamentation in the Kol Nedri. I knew just why the Jews lamented. Why would they not? Reviled, spurned, hated, harried and homeless, and yet still a vital people, and all because they made the mistake that God ordained that they must; for which He forgave them, but man could not. And then it seemed that I bore the sorrows of the whole world, and crushed beneath this burden, I must climb a steep forbidding staircase at the end of which stood God Himself. If only I could endure, just to behold Him! Then I would indeed be reborn. It seemed that each step I climbed was washed with a river of tears, and still I struggled upwards and at last I stood, or rather lay prostrate at His feet, and dared to raise my eyes. The wonder of it, for He raised me up and He wore the face of my father, and yes, even my own. I seemed to know that I was redeemed, and was suddenly aware that I was soaking wet. I felt exactly like a bath tower does after being used. I felt that I had grasped the fundamental truth of Relativity as Einstein knew it and ridiculous though it sounds, Paul was Herr Jung wagging an admonitory finger at me, and saying "See, I told you so!" I was aware of sunshine, and how wonderful it felt and the fact that it was priceless; and then I was with a staunch comrade Myron, climbing a mountain hand-in-hand; and attaining the summit. The view was magnificent and it was cool and dry.
Paul handed me a mirror, and gazing into it I saw myself as a child, as I am now and as an old man. I saw my face dissolve slowly into the dusk of Death, yet I did not fear Death or Life either. I felt equal to them both. Handing the mirror back, I was amazed to find everyone in technicolor, and I could see waves of warmth coming from everybody.
Relaxed and very humble, I listened to music of the sea. What a wind, yet the fury of the elements held no terrors for me, since they could not affect the rose which seemed constant, yet ever changing.
I was given a dosage of methedrine, and things seemed to be growing tri-spatial. This is hard to describe, but imagine gazing at someone: not only could I see their front but their back at the same time! I looked at the buffet and found that I could not only see into it through the closed door, but through it and into the next room where the white reclining couch was clearly visible.
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