A result of Continued Application

The following is excerpted from the letter of a serious seeker. She had found that going through the program at the International Foundation for Advanced Study in Menlo Park in the early 60's provided the most valuable experiences of her life. She longed for a similar structure through which she could pursue her continued development. Finding none available, and encouraged by reports of others, she decided to examine the effects of MDMA. Her first experience with MDMA was so dramatic that she determined to set up a specific program, resulting in the following report:

I've set up a conservative program of a session every other month, and the results are pretty miraculous. It doesn't seem to matter what I do during the sessions--simply experience or focus on particular issues. It's what happens between them that is so wonderful. Depending on what I wanted from the session, the evolution goes on for the whole two months between them, sometimes more.

My first time was for finding out what this medicine does, and the next two were for directing it to what I wanted. So the second time was aimed toward opening and trash removal. The third was for deepening, and I'm now setting the directions for the fourth--more of all of the original things, plus expansion, self/Self-realization, and love of self. My ultimate goal is liberation. Now that I know what to want, it seems obvious to want to walk this world as a liberated being.

Soon after the first session, my psyche began to release its hold on my delusive image of my parents. They moved away from me and began to regress in age. When they were both cute little toddlers, I saw how ridiculous it was to hold anything against them. They regressed all the way back to infants and then into nothing. This process took several months.

I have never sought to get high, at least not through the use of any substance, so after the first session I pooh-poohed it. Bliss is nice, but so what? It's mickeymouse, it doesn't make you work for your goodies. In the second session I was informed that Bliss is an excellent teacher and that I had a lot to learn from it. So I surrendered.

The third session was just experiencing Bliss as deeply as possible, to the point where it almost scared me. A few days later I saw a black, glassy floor in my psyche, like paving over a landfill. It began to soften up and finally drained away over a period of weeks.

This is not all that has happened, but I am amazed at the steady, ongoing unfolding brought on by these experiences. My life has been transformed. The other day a friend said, "What are you doing? You're so much more happy and peaceful." She can't be told what I'm doing, of course, but it's been very good for my disposition.

There have been times when I wished for some experienced person to consult with, but so far, everything has worked out fine. A therapist friend who has no experience with psychoactive drugs is very interested and has offered support whenever I need it.

The drug laws are absurd, but they seem to serve all except those who want to do research and those who get caught. Everyone else can take whatever they want (and can get) without the tiresome interference of experienced supervision. It's the perfect set-up for teenagers--so perfect that I sometimes think it was set up like that on purpose to attract them. It suits the enforcers who like to catch people and imprison them. But people and organizations don't like to give up power if they have it, and our drug agencies have enormous power to hang onto. A great many people believe the DEA rhetoric and think they should keep their power. Have you seen the article in the Aug-Sept issue of Reason magazine? The U.N. wants people to be prosecuted for saying anything good about drugs.

Meanwhile, a group in town has had two video-discussion meetings with video talks by Bill Harman. I attended them and have now joined the group, which is the local IONS chapter.

Now and then I ask people I know whether they have ever taken LSD. One man, now in his 40s, took it in college and considered it a sacrament. He was able to observe his patterns of thought, see which ones were wrong, and throw those out. One of his classmates ate a whole sheet of blotter LSD and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. What happened to the poor guy? He's now a doctor!

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